she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
