I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
