Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
