Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
