I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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