is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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