im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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