I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
