I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize