You're so nebulous sometimes
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
