he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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