I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
