You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
