I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
