If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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