i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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