i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
