My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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