Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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