All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize