now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
