So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Farmville is her only friend.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
