so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
