I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize