MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Someone came in the potted fern
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
