You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
