I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize