my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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