This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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