you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
