Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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