so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
