did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize