At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
