I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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