But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
