People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
