He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize