But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
