But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
