Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
