I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
