Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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