Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize