I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My breasts were aching with rage.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
