He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
