Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
