I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
