You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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