im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
