She is in my trunk
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize