Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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