cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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