I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
