my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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