somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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