Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
