is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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