So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
