I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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