is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
