Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
