im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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