And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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