Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
