dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
