The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
